ilurvsmiling (:

a moment in a million years.

2008-06-22T17:59:00.023+08:00

it's a beautiful evening.
hello wonderful earth.
auwww. the trip to Malaysia was absolutely fabulous! i had a blast!
i didn't get much pictures thou.
it was kinda weird this trip. i don't do things that i usually do when i'm on a holiday. like for example;

- noticing the hotel name.
- collecting shower gels, shampoos and whatever toiletries they provide.
- buy lots of souvenirs. loads of them!
- takes plenty of photos. PLENTYYYY.
- buy chewing gums. and bubble gums.
- anddd, idk. hahaha.

but this trip, i was pretty much random. my motive was just to have fun. loads of fun. anddddd, i did! ohhh, it was stress relief alright.
we went to Port Dickson. and up towards Melaka.
dad told me the history of Melaka. i listened attentively, like a cat.
hahaha. well, it stole my interest. impressive. (:
the knowledge, that i gained, from my not-so-old-man.
hehheh. (:
and ohhh, dad drove the whole night. he's kinda worn out now. :(
i couldn't imagine myself behind those wheels, driving around Malaysia. whoaaaa. i'd be dead meat. holy chicken rice with a soup!

anyway, dad got us a family cat last night. she's soooo adorable.
pictures not taken yet.
soon. soon.
just waaaaait. be paitienceee. hahaha.
as if you people give a damn!
anywayyy, she's really cute! (:
hahahah. sungguh comel. and that's her name too. Comel.
cute kns? i named her, for your info.
she's still a kitty thou. small. :D and damn cute too. just like me. :D:D
hahhaa! anyway, she's around 1 or 2 months old. still young. and sooo loving. she licked my fingers yesterday. and also a few hours ago.
she loves me! ohh yeah, she does. my sister's a little upset. or jealous, more of it. haha. Comel bites! mama says it's "gigit manja". hahaha.
oh well. she has a place in my heart. since yesterday.

she slept with me too. on my bed!
(i can sense some jealousy out there.) *sinister laugh*

anyway, i think Comel likes BLUE. (:

til then, here are the pics.

now you see me...

now you don't! ohh, but you see aini.

sister lurp! :D

ohh, she ain't cryin'.

teasing pose! xP

randomly having fun! :D

KITTY!! :D this isn't Comel.

yeahh, my sister loves me! :D

ohh, my brother too? haha. yes, yes. :D

basically, having fun with sand... :D

at the sate (satay) shop in port dickson! :D

the night i ate venison. OMHG! o.0

here's how venison tastes like...
tasteless!
it was kinda hard to chew on.
i almost had rabbit meat (as satay) for supper. dad was excited to see the reaction on our faces. but mama didn't order. so yeahh.
haha. he got shocked for a few minutes.
i enjoyed watching the reaction on his face!

that's all folks! :D

& my desire for you is much too strong.

questioning existence.

2008-06-15T16:03:00.005+08:00

hey all you earthlings.
hmmm. i've got not much to blog about today. just miss blogging, so i thot maybe i could just post something. heh.
currently, i'm chatting with diana. yeah, it's random. we're kinda talking about young uncles and aunties. (:
and my future uncle, that is like 14 years younger than me! holy cow.
how can my uncle be 14 bloody years younger than me? *sigh* i'm old. pfft.
i'm bored. superrr bored. bored to the core. like totally living in the world of boredom. ohkaaaay, i think that's enough. hahaha.
anyway, diana thinks that my young uncle is gonna be cute. i think he's gonna be super hawtt!! like me. heh.
my uncle what. hahaha. idiot.
ohkay, whatever.
my mid-thirties nenek (grandma) is pregnant! o.0
trust me when i say, she owns not a strand of white or grey hair! that's like soooo cool. for a nenek (grandma).
i mean, my oldest cousin is like 26 this year. whoaaa! that's like wayyy old. heh.
sorry hisyam. (:
ily! :D:D

hehehe.

& there's so much more left to say if you were with me today face to face.

i'm slowly getting closure.

2008-06-12T15:48:00.014+08:00

hello people.
yesterday, i met up with.... let's not mention his name.
*thinking of his popular nicko* hmmm, nonya?
yes, "nonya" is a HE. *smiles*

typical way of burning time during holidays, slacking under void decks.
walked to loyang point,

me: (saw bubble tea shop) i want bubble tea! *full of enthu*
nonya: alamak.
me: heh-heh.

*location, bubble tea shop*

me: *thinking* i don't know what flavour to buy.... haha.
jacq: ya, me oso. what to buy ar?
nonya: buy me. *chuckles*
jacq: something to drink lah.
nonya: ya lah. buy me lah.
jacq: can drink you meh?
me: *laughs*
jacq: *orders*
nonya: buy me. buy me. faster.
me: euwww. chrysanthemum tea. *still thinking* what flavour ar?
nonya: water with money also have. *laughs*
me: *laughs* air mani? disgusting sia you.
nonya: *laughs* what flavour you want? anything can.
me: whatever.
nonya: *laughs*

anyway, i ordered oreo chocolate which was damn delicious! hahaha. finger lickin' good. well, not really. hahaha.
damn! now i feel like eating KFC. LOL.

i think last night was one of the days a friend of mine actually talked some sense into of me. ohkay, it was crazy talk. but it contained a lot of holy sense. he got me all "whoaaa". too much to handle? maybe, perhaps it was.
i mean, you don't expect a guy who's dirty-minded, always talking about girls and women in certain ways, has R21 contents in his phone, enjoys watching shows like, Good Luck, Chuck, to be finally talking about education. holy cow!
it was like mojo jojo (that ugly monkey-looking dude from power puff girls) suddenly join the power puff team in saving townsville. i mean, i do believe that there's a good in every evil villain. but it felt like david beckham was doing maths, out of the sudden. let's say, algebra? you'd be thinking,
HOLY SHIT!! DAVID??

yeah, it got me thinking too.
i mean, holidays aren't even over and, i'm thinking about final year?? what banana has gotten into me???

whatever it is, i still need that grade to be satisfied. it's not only about proving people around me wrong. but it's also about getting what i want. i always get what i want, and i always have it my way. but when it comes to education, i just don't quite care. bad attitude!

LOL! :D

ohh, p.s. ilham and lukfi is staying over til tomorrow. YAY! :D

& once I get out, there's no turning back.

searching for the souls of my sin.

2008-06-09T02:54:00.011+08:00

heyy you guys.
don't feel much like posting today. it's late.
it's like 2:56am. dammit. *sigh*
here's the thing. i feel awful. i barely know me. i do things i usually don't. i don't know exactly what they are, but i know i've done things i'm not supposed to. i feel wrong. just, it's all isn't right. you know? i mean, maybe some of you could get what i mean. but maybe, just maybe, most of you won't.
i don't feel so much of cheery, happy, full of enthusiasm, and all those, idk, what do i say? happy stuff? smiling me? the one that's always laughing, and smiling, and, i barely cry, people! i mean, i'm a girl for God's sake. a human, with eyes, that could actually produce tears. i think guys who let out their emotion, are very brave people. they do not live in fear. same goes for girls. it's like, most guys, they shut in. they don't really tell, nor share. they're all... secretive and stuff. you know.. like my brother for instance, he has a blog, which he barely updates, he tells me things. he's deepest secrets. but not his very best friend. ohkay, he might be dead, because i said that. but a man has every right to choose who he wants to tell things to, who he wants to be friends with, who he wants to date, who he admires, who he crushes, who he.... ohkay! you should get the point by now. i admire guys who actually dares to cry, especially infront of another guy. or girl, for that matter. it's not wrong to cry when you feel down, is it? or, like when you're feeling totally lost. like you don't know yourself. you barely know you. you wish you have people to talk to. but all you are is actually, scared. confused, upset, annoyed with... life. i know what my problem is. but i keep it in. i just don't say it. i don't, i don't tell. i don't even know who to tell! i mean, i know my mom's all understanding and stuff, and my brother, he's cool about things, he knows almost everything about me. almost everything. but at this state, or point, of life, you should be expecting a girl like me to be crying. but i've not shed a single bloody fucking tear! maybe it's an emotional breakdown. just maybe. but i think not.
i'm not a kind of girl who's easily affected by emotions or feelings. sometimes i think i barely have one. except when i see a really cute guy, then yeah, i do have feelings. wohkaaaay, let's get back.
i mean, did you even realise how many "i mean(s)" you've read in this post? i honestly have no idea on what's happening. but i sure really want to! pfft. greater than life. i have always believed in my grandfather's life motto,

"whatever you wanna do, do it. but at the end of what you've done, never, i really mean never, regret the results."

although it's not exactly what he always say but, it's something like that. this told me to really make my decisions as if, idk. it just made me realise that whatever i do now, in the present, will affect my future. so everytime i think about a decision that i'm about to make, from the biggest to the smallest, whatever hell the decision is about, i gotta make it right. even if it's just a practise, even if it's only for show. sometimes, the tiniest mistake in life could affect the person you love most. take it from someone who knows.
i try not to regret things i did, what i've done, and most of all, the future, what i'm going to do. i'm not sure if what i did really hurt that one very person i cared most in my life, but it seems that i really did stab right thru his very heart. i just could feel the distance between us now. i never thot it'd be something like this. i never, ever, not even once, ever, thot of a future this way. my future. which is now my present. it never came across my mind. it just never did. i wish i could change things, maybe even turn back time. it's crazy talk, and definitely impossible. and i try, i try my very best, to not regret. but the thing is, sometimes i don't even have a clue about what i did. i just don't realise it. that's the devil. but if only that one very person, truly knows. it's all difficult and very complicated. i sometimes wish i never had a heart, so i wouldn't feel all this silly pain, and heartache for that matter, (that could actually have been avoided, in the first place). maybe if my heart stops beating, it won't hurt this much.
this is sooo crazy. and not to mention, how many "maybe(s)" i've used. and also all the "very(s)" you could imagine. it just isn't me. at least not the me that i know. *sigh* i've been at this for hours. hey look, it's already 3:57am. how much longer can i stay at this? honestly, i could really write one of those thick books about my life. and maybe remind myself not to forget, listing all the steps of how i managed to ruined it so perfectly that i ended up writing this shit and posting it to a blog! which basically not many people read. which is good. i mean, most people hate long post. so yeah, i'm getting there. *sigh* i just miss the old me.
i know i'm the kind who hardly cries. i'm a strong girl. sometimes i just let go, because i'm tired of fighting, and i'm tired of holding on. as i mature, i understand things better. in life, you have to give and take, grow up, forget the past, but the future always has to bring the past up. well, you can't really blame future because without past, there ain't no future. and without future, there ain't gonna be a past. that is cause when future, future comes, your now future (present, basically) is your past. anyway, i did tear while typing this half way. *sigh* i thot my body has officially stopped my eyes from producing tears. heh. LOL. i guess this is all i have for now, at this hour. i better turn in. sweet dreams, earth. (:

..... i guess the smile never fades. (:

& the rumors flew, but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.

i kissed a girl.

2008-06-07T18:41:00.008+08:00

hello people.
i'm not feeling so well this pass few days. quite sick. -.-
sorry for no updates. tonight, i'm supposed to go to my cousin's birthday, but i'm not going. :(
sad huh, you pretty face? *sigh*
i feel sooo down. like one idiot, you know.
pfft. CRAPP! but wait, i really do.
well, i got a playlist for my jukebox. that's a real something to cheer me up. heh. yeah, i know, pathetic. but hey, whateverrr. at least it made me happy. pfft.
anyway, ismady (my very, very, very favourite sweetheart) got me a new nicko! :D yeaah, that made me smile today. big one, baby. like.... bigger than this >> :D
ROFLMAO. ohkaaay, lame. i'm sick deyy. pfft. -.-

ismady: why you so quiet today?
me: sakit uhs.
ismady: awwww, kechiiiii-an dier.

i really wanted to slap him that "chiiiii" moment. but, lack of strength..

ismady: you sakit aper?
me: sakit lah! (reaching boiling point)
ismady: ohh. sakit otak?
me: *smack his head* (finally, satisfaction) shuddup lah!
ismady: AUW! pain siak. you think my head tennis ball? you wanna smack-smack? huh?
me: *keeps peace*
ismady: why soooooo quiet? i feel like i don't know you, man.
me: *giggles* why so?
ismady: you're one holy riot! always bising. lagi-lagi dengan amshah and idris. tk bleh diam.

then he started calling me "riot". some way of irritation, i guess. to make me talk? make lotsa noise? awwwww, i get it nowww. someone misses my voice. hehheh.
ohkaaay, i don't really enjoy being called, belo or riot.
but uhh, it's kinda cute at times. and very annoying (all times). hohoho.
anddddd,

ismady: look at your hair! it's in riot too. just you... hmmm, why oh, why?

LOL! :D

i miss ilham. hahaha.
he has a laugh that sounds like santa. very haaawwt.
seriously, the laugh, not the person. *shakes head* thank you. :D
hehheh. ILHAM! he's ohkay actually. hahaha. but he's like, my cousin. pfft. i saw that man.... in diaper. ohkaaay, so everyone wears diaper, so what? but, he's my cousin! so fifa, shuddup. i know you have the hawts for ilham, oh yeah. i know all about it.

heyy, i'm starting to feel better already. but, not really. still kinda hott leh. hahaha. ohh, i got a shoutout, it's for HAFEEZ! :D

i'm hawtter than you, mr.! ;D
ROFLMAO. come and get me. hahaha.
ohkaaay, ismady... thank you for the smiles. :D
heh. weirdo. random child. heyy, i like that.. hahhaha.
NO STEALINGG! i bite. grrrrr.
ohkaaay, shuddup aiyeeen. this is basically just the beginning of a sick girl. a sick aiyeeen, is a siowww aiyeeen. hahaha.
but uhh, according to mr. smart ass (prof. ismady) it's;
a sick aiyeeen, is not a good aiyeeen. a good aiyeeen, is a riot aiyeeen.
that, i likeyy. hehheh.
ohkaaay, i better stop here. i miss blogging. *sigh*
i miss everything!!

& desperate desires lead to desperate pleasures.

joy to the world.

2008-06-04T17:16:00.010+08:00

heyy fishes in the deep blue seaaa.
sorry i didn't post anything for the past two days. life's been as usual, boring. andddd, i've been unusual, studying. pfft. i have a blank mind at the moment, nothing much to sayy here.

i basically just can't thinkkk!
OMHG!! hmm, i think i've figured what's missing... Starbucks!
i need that raspberry frap, or a mocha latte, or a something.
i need sweetness! oh hell, this is great.
seriously, i have forgotten everything about sexual reproduction, science. i can't thinkkk. my brains aren't working. just not functioning well. what's wrong?!!
holy God, i need my brains. the ones filled with information? on subjects? what i've studied, in school? basically, i'm screwed. gawwwd!
i wonder what happened. i need tutoring lessons! just to refresh my memory and get back my tempo. the beat was nice, you know. now, i hardly heard a thing! *frustrated!*

& there's a big difference between a failure and a fiasco.

our love story.

2008-06-01T21:25:00.003+08:00

hello world.
this is really sweet. well, at least to me it is. xP
hahhaa. hmm, it's a conversation between me and hunney bun. :D
soo hmm, here we go...

me says:
hmm, siti nurhaliza....
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
is already old & unfamous
me says:
hahaaa.
me says:
old seyy kene.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahaha. you continue the sentence sampai tak boleh stop
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
then it's much more cooler
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahaha
me says:
ohkaaay,
me says:
she married the datuk becauseeee...
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
the datuk had alot of money
me says:
and she wants all the money so that
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
she can buy new clothes & make better albums cause
me says:
she wants to be much-much popular and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
cool but Syafiee thinks Aiyeen is hotter because
me says:
he's sooo in-love with her that he can never forget her and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
to him, aiyeeen is the best thing that has ever happened to him this year and
me says:
he's thankful that it did but
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
he wants something more when they'll go out together however
me says:
he doesn't know how to say it and he's
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
speechless but he has a surprise for her when they go out but
me says:
he is
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
not telling her cause
me says:
he doesn't really wanna ruin the surprise and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
he'll just keep her in suspense and
me says:
make her very gerammm but
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
he thinks she will still love him no matter what because
me says:
he's sooo sweet, and kind, and baik hati, and romantic, and caring, and everything a girl wants, but...
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
all she wants is to hear his voice now and
me says:
he's not calling her yet but
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
he will call her as soon as possible because
me says:
he too can't wait to hear her voiceee because he's sooo in-love with it and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
he's sooo in love with her and
me says:
he's gonna miss her while "she's gonee, outta his lifee" ohkaaay, and uhh... he will have to
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
meet her as soon as possible to give her his kiss nad
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
and
me says:
tell her all about the surprise and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
let her have her fun with cute guys in denmark but
me says:
she chooses not to flirt there because she has her heart stuck to him and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
he will always have his heart stuck to her because
me says:
he can never forget her or stop thinking about her, even for a minute or
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
a second cause he's soooo in love with her & everytime he thinks of her
me says:
his heart beats faster
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
and he smiles whenever he thinks of her and
me says:
she does the same too but
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
smiles are not enough for her cause
me says:
she wants to be with him, in his arms, and she wants to spend time with him at
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
the beach where he will definitely make her melt with his kisses & hugs and
me says:
she can't wait for that moment as, she wants so splash him with water and get him all wet, and
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
they'll get wet together & they'll live happily ever after. okay, sounds like a book
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahahah

:D hahaha. that's all folks. hahhaa. cuteee kns?
heeeees. *melts*
uhh, buhhbyeee.
i wanna eat. :D:D

& that's the reason we need lips so much, for lips are the only things that touch.

little miss insane.

2008-06-01T20:06:00.010+08:00

hellooo.
i had fun yesterday, night. hahhaa. i spend the whole dayy with mom and it was insane! LOL. but i had like plenty of fun. :D
ouuuh, we shared a lot of things. it was like truth day or something. hahhaa. a lot of confessions were let out.
sexayyeee! ohkaaay, random. -.-
ohh, and i fixed my blonde extentions last night too! it was at cineleisure. mom paid 16 bucks for two extentions!

mom: damn! you're an expensive child!

LOL. she had to think if i was really that worth-it to spend soo much money on, in less than a week! hah, beat that! but actually, don't. hahhaa. it's not a great thing, i feel bad, but thankful. :D hahaha.

ohh, i'm planning to go out with diana and ayuni soon, maybe. hahhaa. don't know yet. -.-
LOL. mmm, and i'll update soon. buhhbyeee.

before! :D

after! :D auburn with blonde extentions.

& when the auburn girl falls in love with syafiee.

taking the easy way out.

2008-05-30T17:59:00.006+08:00

hello apple bottoms.

just a smile and the rain is gone,
can hardly believe it (yeah)
there's an angel standing next to me,
reaching for my heart

i was lost in a lonely place,
could hardly believe it (yeah)
holding on to yesterdays
far, far too long

i never knew that love could feel so good

like a once in a lifetime,
you change my world

i'm still feeling the westlife. hahha.
they're like wayy hawwt. *melts*
awwwww.... adorable.

heart's still missing, hunney. ouuuh, he'll be back today. :D
fidd asked me out, tomorrow. (macam dating gitu ehs?) LOL.

anyway, i said i'll message her tonight. hahha.
someone remind me, please. saya senang lupe. :D actually, not as terok as diana. LOL. :D:D
anyway, (again! me with the "anyways", urghh!) i have dyed my hairrr! whoo! :D hahhahaa. well uhh, the results are, disappointing? idk. the colour didn't turn out well. a little copper-ish. hahhaa. urm, i've got not much to say. so umm, byeeee. :D

& when all the birds are singing in the sky.

rebel without a cause.

2008-05-29T16:05:00.010+08:00

day after day, time passed away
and i just can't get you off my mind
nobody knows, i hide it inside
i keep on searching but i can't find

i'm too shy to ask, i'm too proud to lose,
but sooner or later, i gotta choose
and once again i'm think about
taking the easy way out

baby, you should have called me,
when you were lonely,
when you needed me to be there
sadly, you never gave me too many chances,
to show you how much i care

tell me what makes a man wanna give you all his heart
smile when you're around, and cry when you're apart

don't let them change your story
won't let them change your song
don't let the gurus and philosophers lead you on

and you'll be amazed at when you're stumbling
she'll fight for you
and won't let you give in
she'll do all that she can
when a woman loves a man

in your eyes, i found the greatest prize
you and i could not be closer
and in your arms, is everything i want
now i know my search is over

it's where the stars line up
it's where the ocean's touch
it's in a place you've never been that feels like home
it's in the air right now
it's when you give your all, and give a little more
i've never been so sure, that's where you find love

girl, i love to watch you
you're like candy to my eyes
like a movie that you've seen
but you gotta watch just one more time
but that smile you're wearing
it's a beautiful disguise
it's just something you put on to hide the emptiness inside
and you seem so lonely

if you're a heart without a home
rebel without a cause
if you feel as though
you're always stranded on the shore
like a thief in the night
let me steal your heart away
baby, if for reasons, what you're looking for,
i'll be yours

ouuuh, finally, hello. :D
LOL. umm, sorry about the westlife but i just feel like it. o.0
it's all lyrics actually, from different songs.
hmmm. songs like, if i let you go, what makes a man, hey whatever, and moreee. hah. well, there's videos too. :D

and uhh, lessons are finally over and the holidays are hereeee! whooo!
aiyeeen is a happy girl! *smiles widely*
no more stupid tutorials and calls from mrs cheong when aiyeeen is absent. yes, i've noticed you miss me muchhh. heh. o.0

hahhaa. saw dzul yesterday. LOL. i was kinda late for school then he was like taking 21, or was it 12? hahaha. idk. then i was like,

text: hello. saw you. :D

hahaha. i had nothing else better to do. but really, i saw him!!
ohkayy... now it's just weird cause i'm acting like he's some BTRT superstar. *rolls eyes*
ROFLMAO. hahhaa.

*brrr* it's cold and i'm missing someone, sooo badly. *sad puppy face*
it's just til here, i guess. (:
buhhbyeeee.

& when boredom kidnaps and takes over your cupcake.

those chocolate cupcakes!

2008-05-27T17:20:00.009+08:00

hello people.
i made muffins! chocolate cupcakes more likely. (:
yumms! :D hahaha. ouuuh, grandma cooked sambal udang. and it's like finger licking gooood! xP
i can't stop eating those chocolate cupcakes. hahaha. honestly, i've been munching since 4.30pm just now and i'm still going on strong. i lost count on the numbers though. hahhaa.

umm, i think this is all i have for now. and uhh, my cousin's coming over. a visitor to entertain and uhh, chocolate cupcakes in the kitchen to be eaten! :D:D
buhhbyeee for now. :D

& chocolate cupcakes makes me high!

with a taste of your lips.

2008-05-26T17:27:00.011+08:00

hello world.
i just got home. (:
ohh, damn. i had school this morning. hahahaa. my pts fetch me seyy. sweet kns? i was like late lahh. then she just sabar. hahaha.
after that she talk so loud lah.

diana: oi! aku nak gi toilettttt!
me: *laughs*
diana: asal ko ketawe? aku dah tk tahan niiii! aku nak gi toiletttt!
me: *laughs* shuddup lah. you talk damn loud you know. the whole pasir ris wake up sia.
diana: i don't care! i wanna go toiletttt!

ROFLMAO. serious sia. i cannot tahan i laugh until my stomach all pain. hahaha. ouuuh, my english today damn rabak lah. haha.
hmmm. anyway, we went to loyang point cause diana really needed the toilet. and while she was in the cubical, she found this pregnancy test kit box.

diana: oi. ader pregnancy test kit box siak kat sini.
me: hah? serious? *laughs* ko pakai perh?
diana: kepala otak! *kicks the box outside the cubical door*
me: oi. you kick outside the cubical door, later people see they think you use, you know. stupid.
diana: oi!

ohkayy. i'll tell you what i mean. a few minutes later a nonya comes into the toilet.

nonya: (stares)
me: *tying hair* (stares back)
diana: (comes out from the cubical)
nonya: (stares at diana and the pregnancy test kit box innocently lying outside of the cubical door)

you see. i mean, who in the right mind wouldn’t go all curious and be all kaypoh seeing two young teenage girls and a pregnancy test kit box lying on the floor?!! and just so you know, we did not have anything to do with that pregnancy test kit box. we’re like totally innocent lah. especially me! (: hahaaha.

anyway, school was fun lah. then just now we had like this IT enrichment thingy uhs, with mr ralph tan. hahhaa. i was thinking about hunney bun all the way (even during lunch!). then diana was like irritated with me. hahaha.
we were like at the bubble tea shop uhs, having lunch.

diana: (telling story)
me: (not listening)
diana: then...
me: huh? what? who?
diana: my mom lah!

hahaha. sorry diana. haaha. then the cutest thing diana said to me today was,

diana: oi. dier message abeh ko reply? tkmo reply ar. kalau syafiee boleh. hahaha. syafiee is dann nyer kawan eh?

hahaha. she's so cute lah. mesti uhs, my pts. hahaha. ohh yeah, that reminds me... oh shit. i totally forgot. hah! asswipe. *brrr* soo cold mannn. hahaaha.

ohklahhh. i've got no more to sayy. except that cookie's baking and i want some! hahaha.

uhh, toodles. (:

& with a taste of a poison paradise, i’m addicted to you.

apples from the sea.

2008-05-25T23:10:00.008+08:00

hello apple bottoms.
i'm bored. ohh, i'm in love with apples! red apples. ouuuh, so hott lahh.
hahahha. i'm gonna miss hunney bun! he's going awayyy for 5 days... uhh, for camp. i'm sad. sooo sad. :(

oh, oh, ohhh! guess what, someone messaged me today... he apologised for ummm, what he did the other night? idk. i'm like, whatever lah. and, he told me he's attached now. and, i'm telling everyone.... at least all those reading my blogs. hahahha.
amek ko! geram sak. urgggh!
i mean, why the fuck update me on your now so un-shattered life? urgggh! you know something, if diana or zahreen knows about this, they'll be like fucking mad at you lurh! and again, i don't blame them. stupid. urgggh!
but hey, you know, it's so not worth it bringing myself down to such a low level. so, if i'm acting to you all whatever and stuff, it's not an act. wait, maybe it is. an act to cover how fucking angry i am at you lah! bloodyyy hell.

i'm thinking.... of something. and here's it for you.

i have a mouth, it's for telling you.
i have a hand, it's for slapping you.
i have a heart, it's for hating you.
thank God, i do not have a gun.
or else, i'll be shooting you.

and ohhh, those words were just thoughts in my mind. and i jot it down, right here..... (so you could read it, that is if you do).
ohkayyy, i'm done here, lurviesss.
uhhh, buhhbyeeee.

oh, p.s. mom, i had a great time laughing my ass off today with you. *smiles* you made my day.

& i love my hunney bun, oh-so-much!

a standing ovation.

2008-05-24T16:10:00.008+08:00

hello people.
i'm bored, again. hahaahha.
i'm feeling very much better now. can't believe all those craps actually happened. damn.
i'm going out later, night. hahaha. it's a saturday! i'm not staying home. at least not at night. (:
you know something, if i had a wish, i think it'll be a waste but i'm gonna wish this.
i'm gonna wish that my younger sister, aini, can actually talk softly!
holy god, the little girl screams! bloody hell. firstly, it's irritating. secondly, she's young, her voice is kinda pitchyy.
ohh, it just gets worse.

anyway, last night i had this conversation with ismady. hmmm, funny but annoyingly irritating. guess what, he got me a new nicko, and it sounds like one sicko.
wanky! and it actually means, "very stupid or very poor quality".
what the hell are you tryna say huh?

me: i need a new nick uhs.
ismady: ohh. why? kiki ohkay perh.
me: eh, sukati uhs. boring seyyy. everyone is using kiki. *grrr*
ismady: hahaha. i'm not.
me: shuddup you.
ismady: hahaha. now what?
me: idk! alamak.
ismady: hah! ismadygirl? amacam?
me: what happen to you?!!

uhhh, i think i forgot a few lines here.

ismady: alamak. ohkay ohkay. how about......wanky?
me: weik? wanky? meaning?
ismady: aku pon tk tahu. hahaha. you like to whack people right? especially me. so yeah, ohkay perh.
me: wak lue!

it was to my horror when i found out what it truly means. bloody you, ismady. hmmph.

and ohh, wank means "to masturbate".

what the hell lahh?!?!! OMGGG!
i'm so gonna slaughter you like a pig! urghh!
binget.... binget sekali!!
*extremely upset* but will get over it. after i cut off your head, i definitely will get over it. urgggh!

& i keep on fallin' in and out of love, with you.

but it's over now.

2008-05-23T21:07:00.006+08:00

hello there.
i'm gonna finally say how the hell i feel inside right now, especially about you. you know something, i can't bend to your expectations. if you choose to love me, then love me with all my imperfections. not for some image of your own design. you always talk about me, me, me. how about you? you have to stop blaming everyone but yourself. you're good at that, but you've got to stop. you have to.
bloody shit lah. i'm sick and tired of being blame all the time. i made one mistake and you have to blab about it all the time. what's your real deal huh? making girls feel bad? i'm sick and tired of being pushed around all the time, i'm not a ball and if you're looking for the most perfect girl, get a barbie. she's perfect for everything.
you guys are just ungrateful. you take girls for granted.
you want her, you have her, you got her, you dump her. WTF man. i'm just fucking pissed lah. it's been 3 months and 13 days. thank God it ended there. it's not a regret, but it might be a mistake. things happen for a reason, i can accept that. but you, so stubborn and self-centered. i cannot accept that, at least not anymore. i've been patient for too long, and i've got my own limits. you cross the line, you pay for it.
and oh, please, i'm begging you on my knees, find yourself another line. dammit! i'm sick and tired of hearing and reading you saying or typing all the time, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. what the hell do you wanna fuck man? oh my hell lahhh.
oh, p.s. i don't blame my friends for hating you so much. they had the right too.
final goodbyes, i won't cry anymore.

& trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.

standing by the door.

2008-05-23T16:05:00.010+08:00

hello people.
i feel so horrible. -.-
a little better than yesterday, a little worse. blarghh.
woke up, dammit, dammit, dammit. the first person i thought of was nicole. yups, nicole.
i'm not crazy or anything but umm, something happened. the other morning in school during assembly, nicole was telling me about what happen when she woke up. guess what? it happened to me!!!
i'm like bloody shit. dammit man, dammit!
do you have any idea how hard it is to be an adolescent female? my holy god, it's damn troublesome. and it really makes me wonder how fully grown women actually cope with all the crap. urggh, damn it.
ohkayy, i'm not gonna go further and be more detailed about whatever that happened this morning as it makes me so upset. my gawdddd. so i shall just skip that part of my today. hmmm, let's see. i cleaned my room a little here and there, then syafiee messaged me. hahhaa. then i ate by forced (again) and watched mtv for like an hour and uhh, yeah, basically that's it and now i'm blogging. ouuuh. bored huh? that's life as a schooling teenager.
wake up, shower, go school, study, go home, shower, eat, sleep, wake up, shower, go school, study, go home, shower, eat, sleep and the patterns continue. i mean, it's much more detailed than this but uhh, it's just drafting.
you know what, mood swings. i hate mood swings! they make me feel horrible! like dammit man, dammit. i just don't get it. urgggh!
you know, last night i was having this death conversation with my brother. firstly, i don't know why we were actually talking about it and secondly, it was all rubbish.
umm, i think it was something like this.

brother: oi, what happen to you?
me: sick lah, stupid.
brother: hahaha. ohh, not dying soon ar?
me: WTH? shuddup lah you.
brother: hahaha. ohkay, ohkay. eh, you know if i were to die, i think i'd die of boredom. i mean, i've been hit by cars and taxis and even stupid lorries like a few times and i'm still alive. what you think?
me: (stare) good for you. hmm, i think if i were to die, i'd die of you.
brother: alamak.

yeahh. this is how irritating your life is with a brother who always talks rubbish. crappp. but uhh, deal with it. it's not that bad. heh. uhh, ohkayy. i don't really know what else to type here. ahaha. err. yeah, basically, this is it. i gotta find a new word. basically is like... basically? idk. i think it's old.
ohkayy, buhbyee.

& i can see it in your face, you want me permanently.

my hunney bun.

2008-05-22T17:24:00.001+08:00

hello, again.
hahahha. i feel like eating macdo man. OMG. hahhaha.
nvm, i've got like a whole month to enjoy breakfast from macdo and burger king and whatever else. :D whooo! that's sooo much fun man! hahahha.

anyway, someone was like being so cute uhs (again). *melts* hahaha.
it was like 9:39:26pm and a text came in. it said,

text: haha. want to know what's sweeter? you.

and i was already melting like marshmallows above very hot fire. omg. hahaha. sweet kns?
:D heeehehehs. then another at 10:02pm. it said,

text: darling, i miss you more. i kept thinking of you during school. i wanted to hear your soothing voice badly. :(

and i was like heeeees. *melts* awwwww. now you got me thinking, where did that kind of sweetness come from? :D
heeeees. and oh, he's sooo cuteee. geram! haaaa.
oh, here's the conversation i had with him. ouuuh. *melts*

; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
have you eaten?
me says:
uhhuh.
me says:
you?
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
not yet
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
still hungry
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
haha
me says:
ohh, hahhah. kecian nyerr
me says:
go makan lahh.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
haha. kalau tak nak mcm maner?
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
*eheh
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahahah
me says:
hmmm.... let's see.
me says:
then i wont talk to you lor.
me says:
ohkayy, buhbyeee.
me says:
(:
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
*NOOOOO
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
okay okay
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
I'll eat eat eat alot.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
NOW
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahaha
me says:
ohkayy. hahaha
me says:
:D
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahaha. && esok at 12 is officially the holidays!
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
whoo!
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
haha
me says:
hhaahha. eyy, but diana kate nxt week skola?
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
noooo.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
esok last day.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
wait
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
I think.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
for me it is.
; SYAF // [ Provehito in Altum ] says:
hahahha
me says:
waaahhh, not fair.
me says:
:(

i felt really sad to have another boring week of school. so i checked again with diana as she was online. bloody you, diana. -.-

me says:
nxt week skola tk?
Stupid. says:
tak luhh
Stupid. says:
almk
me says:
woik! kemarin ko ckp skola.
me says:
babih uhh.
Stupid. says:
hahahahh!! maen2 jek

whoa. you boiled me, kechik. hahaha. anyway, she's now spending her time playing games to umm, entertain her boredom self? idk. hahaha. basically, let's just say she's bored and she's entertaining herself by playing stupid online games. cheesy. xP
hahahaha. ohklah. buhbyeee.
hahaha. :D
byeeee! xP

& i still try holding onto silly things, i never learn.

a hand for you to hold.

2008-05-22T15:13:00.007+08:00

hello people.
i am officially sick. dammit man. i feel like i'm half-dead.
gawwwd. this morning i threw up like continuously don't know how many times. blarghh. i feel like shittt. urgggh! -.-
anyway, grandma took me to some 24hours clinic at 8 in the morning.
then this doctor (old man, some apek i think) was like... URGGGHH!
i so angry with him lah! bloody hell.

apek/doctor: yes. what you doing here?
me: (stupid or what? i come see you cause i sick lah.)
grandma: dier sakit uhs.
apek/doctor: ohh, sakit aper?

ohkayy. having my anger already at its boiling point, i basically just shuddup. so i let grandma do all the talking. i mean, shouldn't he be saying something like,
what happen to you? or... idk. something more logical than what you doing here?
i mean, dude, use your brains man. i was so pissed.
so i got home, swallowed a few disgusting pills that tasted like kapoh and dozed off to bed. got up around 2 plus and i was like...
whoa. my vision's all blur.
damn, i looked so pale. like, worse than snow white. i was like a ghost! so freaking pale, i freaked out. no appetite, i was forced to eat. RICE!
nyeeeeh. =.=

ohh, then i went online. i needed distraction from my half-dead-sickness. i could barely stand! OMHG! what telah happen man?
i really feel terokkk.
but there was like three people who cheered me up in a blink. hohoho.
ohklah. gonna talk to them now.
buhbyeee. :D

& as long as i'm with you baby, i'll be alright.

the apple of my eye!

2008-05-21T18:45:00.009+08:00

hello earthlings.
my life has been officially doomed with boredom. yeah, it practically is now. umm, let's see. nothing interesting happened today.
maybe chilling with mom at Starbucks later. don't know yet. hahaha.
basically, i'm bored. =.=
well umm, it's been decades since i last sat down and really watched and studied the telly. while i was doing that today, i switched channels a lot. everything was practically boring! anyway, it only lasted for like 4 hours.

ohh, last night someone was really cute. hahaha. i mean really, really. hahaa. serious seyy. he was being sweet too. :D haha.
it was 11:57pm and a text came in. it said,

text: hahah. i'll dream of you too, cupcake! :)

and i was already melting awayyy. *screams*
ohkayy, whatever, shuddup ain.
but really!!! so cutee. hahahhaa. :D
now i can't stop blushing. bloody shit. omg. omg. omg. hahhah.
ohkayy, i'm done here. gotta go siap now. mom just called and confirmed it.
buhbyee you earthlings. (:

& the boy you never wanted just steals your heart.

the sweetest sin.

2008-05-20T14:51:00.006+08:00

hello.
yesterday was one of the worse days of my life. i never thought i'd feel so sad and down before. but, i did. shit man, i felt like.... nvm. but really, i was terribly upset i couldn't even fake one smile. bloody shit.
i cried a lot too. i was just extremely sad. i didn't talk to anyone about it.
i felt so so down. :(
veryy sad huh. then this morning, i was listening to 98.7 and they were playing david cook's version of 'always be my baby' which was originally sang by mariah carey. his singing gave me peace at heart and ease my mind. oh my gawwd. david's voice is hott. hahaha. so umm, basically, i felt much better just after a song. i am so so sleepyyy. dammit, dammit.
umm, here's the video of mariah carey singing 'always be my baby'. :D
it's a nice song really. hahaha. hope you guys like it. :D
ohkay lah. i'll end it here. buhbyeee.

& now you want to be free so i'll let you fly cause i know in my heart babe, our love will never die.

sweeter than sugar.

2008-05-18T16:28:00.006+08:00

heyy world.
i had a wonderfully awesome time last night. hahahha. well, mom sorta pissed me off a little because of the waiting time and all but yeah, i got over it. urm, then we decided to have dinner at Genki but urm, i was badly disappointed. it wasn't Genki anymore it was some don't-know-what Japanese restaurant. anyway, we finally decided to have dinner at Delifrance. whoa. hahaha. it was urm, nice.
then i told mom all about the someone. not all but yeah, most (of all). hehe. then, she just wanted to confirm if he was really a guy, (it was embarrassing) so she sorta grab my phone and search for his name in the phonebook and... basically, pressed call. and i thought she was joking! bloody hell, she really called him. i was like dammit, dammit, dammit. OMSG!!!!
hahahaha. really, i reacted that wayy. maaakkk!
ohkayy, the duration of that call was only like 14 seconds. then i was like...

me: you didn't really call him did you?
mom: uhhuh. i think i did.
me: nooo!
mom: nah. (gimme the phone)
me: (checked the dialled numbers) omg. omg. omg. ohkayy... erm, what he say?
mom: umm, nothing.
me: what?
mom: nothing lah. don't be so paranoid.
me: i'm not paranoid.
mom: shuddup. eat your dinner.

ohkayy, then it continued in like 5 seconds.

mom: he's voice is cute.
me: eik? what?
mom: aper lah?
me: *giggles* you're not serious right?
mom: i passed the phone to you but you didn't wanna talk to him what. not my problem you didn't get to hear his voice.
me: whatever.
mom: *laughs*

hahahaha. ohkay, you might think it's weird that i'm sharing all this with my mom but we've been through a lot, together. and she's kinda cool with it.
oh yes, after dinner we went to watch a movie, MADE OF HONOUR, at Century Square. hahaha. hilarious i tell you. hahaha. i couldn't stop laughing.
anyway, syafiee said it's nice and funny. so i took his word for it and uhh, he's right. hahahaha. (:
you guys should go catch it soon. it's awesome. hahha. patrickkk! hott, hott, hott! hahaha. nah, brendon's hotter. :D
mine forever. hahaha. (yeap, i wish.)

anyway, yesterday was absolutely, amazingly, incredibly, FUNNY! hahaha. i wish you could have been there. ahaha. but umm, actually, you can't. ohkayy, erm, so we went for supper at simpang bedok. 89.7 i think it was. umm, there was abang azhar, zaid (i think that's how it's spelled. sorry kalau salah.), then uncle nes, mom and well, me. it was damn hilarious uhs. hahahha. my mom was making all the jokes and well, the rest of us did all the laughing. i laughed so bad that i hurt my stomach and i couldn't eat. hahaha. then i didn't finish my supper. hohoho. then my mom had to finish it for me. hahaha. her no.1 rule about food is, don't waste it. not nice, throw. hahahahhaha. ohkay, yeah. basically, this is it. (:
buhbyee.

& all i ever wanted was for you to know, everything i'd do, i'd give my heart and soul.

horny grapes.

2008-05-17T14:38:00.005+08:00

hello world.
what you little babies doing huh? well, i'm bored. -.-
umm, let's see... today, i'll be meeting my mom, around 3.30pm then... i don't know what's gonna happen next. hahaha. i'll tell you when it happens.
eheh. umm, well, i'm very very bored.
urgh, dammit. my sister's like blasting the bloody telly and i can barely hear my music.
oh, she's crossed the line alright.

ohkay, things around me are getting much more complicated and i never expected anything like this to happen. but well, it did. i just wish that you'll realise soon enough what the heck you're doing to yourself and the people around you. and soon enough isn't soon enough if it isn't gonna come in about a week. just don't regret your decisions. i might be angry at you and all the hatred, but hey, i still care...
tell me what's happening alright. the newspaper doesn't say it all.

& i've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive.

urm, hello?

2008-05-17T01:19:00.004+08:00

hello.
urm, today was a little sad. i skipped school and i feel so down. shit man. i miss nurul. ohh yeah, i do.
daddy just got back.
urm, i'm actually down with mild flu and fever. yeah baby, i'm hot. hahaha.
well, i don't feel so good but hey, someone's here to make me laugh.
A LOT!
hahahha. i'm serious. God, i feel good. hahaha. (:
it's been decades since i laughed so much. hehehe.
alah! my dad's asking me to turn in. i guess i better do before my curfews gets tighten and all the grounding rules appear.
dude, that sucks.
okay, i'll turn in now. sweet dreams world.
heeee. God, i thank you for two people i've known.
khairul and syafiee. :D

& these scars, they will not fade away.